Too Good for Her Own Good: Searching for Self and Intimacy by Claudia Bepko

By Claudia Bepko

Within the bestselling culture of The Dance of Anger, a compassionate and insightful consultant that exhibits ladies how they could discover ways to be ok with who they're and what they do.

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Extra info for Too Good for Her Own Good: Searching for Self and Intimacy in Important Relationships

Sample text

When I find the dress I want, my first thought is, My mother would have liked this dress. ” In counterpoint she also writes of a woman who buys a dress that her mother would hate. ”’ The rules start out innocuously enough in girlhood. We are first taught as little girls that girls don’t chew gum. Or little girls don’t climb trees. Later on, ladies never cross their legs, and they always wear white gloves to church. Ladies wear clean underwear whenever they go out because they might be in a car accident and end up at the hospital where somebody might really see what’s underneath.

We shop for gifts, remember birthdays, plan parties, send cards and thank-you notes. That is, we tend to take care of the small, endless details that ease life’s difficulties and ensure the continuity of our relationships. We observe rules of propriety and decorum in ways that are never expected of men. Women may do it less these days, but it’s hard to imagine a man reading Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt. Sustaining the etiquette of living is a part of women’s work. One of the areas that seems most resistant to the changes of the women’s movement is the expectation that a woman maintain her male partner’s relationships with his family.

Feel we don’t look right or we can never achieve certain goals in life because we don’t “look” the part. • Feel that we’re not lovable and desirable because we’re not attractive enough. BE A LADY A GOOD WOMAN STAYS IN CONTROL A woman who came for therapy at age twenty-five for help with her overly compliant behavior brought in a report that had been written about her in nursery school. Her mother had proudly saved the report as evidence of her “goodness” as a child. Mary has shown the ability to play alone in the doll corner with the most grown-up patterns of behavior—proceeding through a whole day with her family of dolls, imitating a mother precisely…Mary seems very mature emotionally and seldom cries when things do not suit her.

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